Sexual violence in Africa : Does Date Rape really exist ?


An all dressed up story of a Rape in Africa

It is often hard to fathom rape (no one wants to be in those shoes); it is even harder to imagine “date rape” because everyone assumes it is not likely. But here is a story, like many others, but one I have been given permission to recount to you all…. Perhaps a story you’ve heard before, perhaps one that might happen to you sister, niece, cousin, daughter or friend.

She knew Charles from high school, they were in the same classes, had the same friends, took the same bus to school, and shared a few stories. Some might say they shared a little more; high school was ‘experiment ville’ for some and these two flirted with some ideas while growing up. It never turned into anything serious. As all things must come to an end, high school ended and new chapters began. They kept in touch sporadically and never had a falling out.

A few weeks ago, he moved back home. With the promise of being a successful marketing director – he had just landed an amazing job. She was excited to hear from him again; it had been close to 4 years since they had last seen each other. There was an alumni dinner party coming up and it seemed the perfect location. Charles was always, always charming. He offered to pick her up so they had more time to catch up on the ride there. Diana tell me that the moment she saw him, memories came flashing back – flirtatious moments had never left the too. He smiled at her and she wondered about her sixteen’s and seventeen’s.

At the dinner party, everyone was mingling and remembering old times. One person even asked how it was that Diana and Charles never made it “concrete”? They both laughed sheepishly, but an answer never came. When given the chance to be alone again, Charles however, brought it up casually. Diana never really had an answer; she just assumed they had always played games. When Charles proposed to take her home, she was unsuspecting; after all he had brought her here. When he suggested they stop by his apartment for late drinks she didn’t flatter; after all, he had invited a few other people.

Fast forward to later that night, for I have no intention of dragging this story longer than it needs to be.

A story of a Rape

In the moment of the party a few people were having drinks in the living room and doing what they usually do at a 20-something party, and Charles and Diana had proceeded to his room. They were listening to some of their favourite tracks pumping loud on his bass and laughing, flirting over old times. Charles brought it up again, high school and died down flame – Diana still had no answer. They began to kiss and flirt, as they had always done.

What Charles could not have known at the time was that Diana was not willing to go all the way. She never fully trusted Charles and this dated back to ten years ago when she was so disappointed he had never chosen her, he had always preferred to play games with her. Now that she had matured she realised that perhaps he was still playing games. Diana had also promised herself she wouldn’t have ‘casual sex’ under any circumstances, she had come to find it ‘sacred’…. So as Charles was moving on her, she had to figure out how to battle her internal urges, save face and stay true to her convinctions.

Charles continued to coax her and she was beginning to say no, advancing that she had to get home soon. In a moments time, unsuspecting her, Charles became violent and relentless, he pinned her down and began to kiss her aggressively, telling her; “I know you want to, stop acting out”; Diana still assuming that he was playing, was struggling and shifting under his weight, insisting that, “Come on Charles, I really got to go and I don’t….”. But before she had finished that sentence, he was lifting her dress and tearing away her underwear.

Diana continued to struggle but her small body in comparison to this ex amateur rugby player was slowing caving in. She began to protest even louder, but unfortunately for her, her cries were drowned by Lauryn Hill & Bob Marley…. Charles was now possessed, as he described him to me. Reasoning no longer prevailed and he was thrusting and thrusting hard, she was in pain, not the pleasurable pain…but the hurt of knowing that something was happening to her that she didn’t want and had no way of getting out of.


Does Date Rape really exist?

I will spare you the remaining gore details
However, I will now give you my two cents on it all. I feel for Diana! Where she is right now she feels like part of it was her fault, she feels unable to talk to anyone because most people will assume that she encouraged him, some might even ask what the hell she was doing in the room with him? Most will forget that in this all she is a victim. I feel for Diana and all those other women who have faced this situation before…

Doesn’t matter how many times Charles apologies, nothing in my opinion can forgive his behaviour. As two consenting adults, it was in her right to put a stop when she felt it….(and before I get bombarded with the ‘what about men who rape women question’ – this applies to the guys too; although it is often said that a man doesn’t say “no”.)

Naked Peeps….what do you think of all this? Is it flirting an assertion for “Yes let’s have sex” and when is it too late to say: “No, I don’t want to anymore?”

Am all undressed here.