Managing Your In-Laws : How to set boundaries ?
Tatiana : Have a safe journey and don’t cry your mother in law too much
Kelly : Cry? Why would I cry?
Tatiana : …
Kelly : That woman was a witch rest her soul.
Tatiana : …
Kelly : Don’t look at me like that! She made my life a living hell and the only thin I pray for is the repose of her soul. But cry her…I doubt I will. I mean I feel sorry for my husband and her grandchildren, don’t get me wrong. But, maybe now my husband and I can live our lives in peace.
This is part of a conversation that ensued a few months ago when I visited one of my cousins after the passing of her husband’s mother. She was getting ready to travel for the funeral. Newly weds and he was loosing his mother. A trying time for them, especially because he had always been so close to his mother. I thought that Tatiana got along well with the woman too… but… alas…
It got me thinking about the IN LAWS. A touchy subject in some areas. I don’t have any tangible personal experience with the in laws, never been married and never been introduced as ‘the’ girlfriend. But I have watched people around me deal with it and in most instances I feel sorry for them. It amazes me how horrible some in laws can be. Mothers and their sons especially, I some times wonder what pushed them to be so possessive. Yes you carried your baby for 9 months and all that, but come on. Some people say its because am not a mother yet. That I just can’t understand.
In my opinion (humble and naive as it may be), if your son has found someone who truly makes him or her happy then let the “child” be. Granted some mothers have intuition and it is often warranted (but am not talking about exceptions here). Am talking in general. I remember this one time when I had called my boyfriend and his mother picked the phone.
His Mum : Yes Hello
Me : Euuh, Good evening. Can I please speak to Eric?
His Mum : Whose calling?
Me : Nina
His Mum : What do you want?
Me : Well I just wanted to speak to him
His Mum : Yes but WHAT DO YOU want?
I can’t remember how the conversation ended, but I was unnerved. I was calling HIS cell phone and this woman who did not even know who I was was already playing ‘police’. I mean at the time I was young and I didn’t really give a damn but thinking back, you have to wonder… What are they so scared of? And why would she ask me like that what I wanted? Is no one allowed to speak to her son?
Conversely, fathers and their daughters can be just as possessive. But what I have come to see with the dad is that when the girl brings home a man who respects her and the father, when the father sees that the man will provide for this family and daughter… he is more likely to let his baby girl go. It will be tough, but he eventually does. You won’t see him coming to stay over for months on end, or coming to tell you how to maintain your household. He will usually have the man-to-man talk and let it go. You won’t hear snide remarks about how you don’t feed her or take care of her. How you don’t clean properly and how you this and that….
Finally, the in laws that flabbergast me the most are the sisters (and rarely the brothers)…. How do you come in ??? Why the hell would you make the life of your brother (sister) difficult? What kind of love do you have to try and make their live a living hell.
Those who know me and know me well, know that I have a rule… My brother’s (sister’s) business is his (hers) business and his (her) chosen one is his (hers). I won’t sleep in his (her) bed I won’t marry him (her). If he (she) has made a choice he(she) lives with it and you will never see me come between them. I might give my opinion, but I will only give it once. Truth is, I wouldn’t want any of my siblings meddling unnecessarily in my relationship. Its a two way street!
My advice about the in-laws (in my humble and naive opinion)… PRAY on that shit. Get down on your knees and say:
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference
Because the in-law, can be a bunch of… Thorny thorny roses!
Naked Peeps, I wanna know? Why do the in-laws disrupt so ?