Am going to tell you a secret! One you already know (consciously or subconsciously)… The Men in my life ALWAYS come back, for different reasons and sometimes just to boost their egos, but they always come back.
Yes, am talking about the men that are no longer in your life… I think as they begin to grow older, they start to think back to their past relationships and start to wonder who could it have worked with. They take a minute call you just to say hi, but secretly i think they are just checking in to see if you still harbour feelings…if the sound of their voice still makes you vulnerable, if their sweet words make you weak or if you truly have moved on. They always make me laugh, cause the calls often come out of nowhere – so unexpected; and because you are seemingly in shock, your voice is always a little pitch higher. Some times they will ask, “are you surprised to hear from me?” and most times they will segue way with an “old joke” you shared. They will tell you how “you don’t call anymore” (why the hell should you?) and how “they’ve missed talking to you”. After the diplomatic niceties are out of the way, some will be bold enough to ask if you have a man in your life. Some even more cocky and engrossed in their own personalities; we go on further to tell you that “the new man in your life doesn’t deserve you” – seemingly you are such a great girl (so wtf did you leave me?)… They always come back I tell you. Each with their own reasons and excuses, some for a short while and others just don’t go away…
They always come back, what you want from them determines how do you deal with them.
They truly fascinate me, because unlike us women they have the ability to act like no time has passed. Like all those fights, lies never happened. They forget so easily the hurt they may have brought you and those I respect are the ones who have the great potential to switch cards on you – they make it out so that you are the ‘devil’ in the whole thing. All of sudden you were THE problem… I love the men in my life and men in general… Let me tell you about some memorable come backs!
Occupation: Two timer with baggage
Crime: After convincing the entire world that he was ready for a relationship; he supposedly convinced me (sceptical at heart: always). We began to date, three weeks into the relationship; I found out he was having extra-relations with my “friend”. You know i kicked him to the curb. He admitted that he was having trouble being in a relationship with me, he was going through so much shit in his life and he didn’t want me to have to deal with it… Just didn’t want me to find out about “her”
The comeback: Am known as the “cold one”. So the separation was stone cold, heartless even. In fact, I kicked them both to the curb, allowed them to entertain each other. He wasn’t even allowed to utter my name. In his apology, he kept on saying “I know you don’t want to see me anymore…”; I was completely INDIFFERENT to his presence. A little over six months later; he was in a new relationship – he saw me at a club and came up to me; he adorned with all the flattery he could muster in 10 minutes, reminded me how beautiful I was and how sorry he was. Suggested he drop me home after the club, and we could talk, make a couple of things clear. What do you think I did?
Crime: showering me with so much love; I didn’t realise when he was walking out. This was a memorable relationship; but it just couldn’t work. G was not ready to commit (to me that is). The relationship was full of ups, yet had its downs. What was most lovely in the time it lasted, was that we always laughed! There was never a dull moment – until, I couldn’t take the farce anymore. I was tired of dealing with superficial shit and called him on it. That led to an intense conversation of screaming and name calling – an hour later, I said: “we are done” and he said, “I think it best, because if you are going to be this insecure…”
The comeback: Three months of dead silence. No calls, texts or emails. Each in their own corner. He knew I had left him because he refused to own up to his responsibilities, and i was tired of always wondering where we were headed. He called me up on a Friday afternoon; I ignored the call. He left me a message, “I was just checking up on you”. He called me on Sunday evening; I said “hello” and he said “you don’t call me no more?” I was getting ready to hang up (probably should have… But in his own way he had won me over again; I was hoping he would do right by me)… Fast forward couple of months later; we were talking all the time, but not once did he address the issue of our first breakup… When I walked away this time; it was for good. He comes back often this one; always with a new ruse. One time it was “I miss you”, another time it was “how comes we didn’t work out” and just recently it was “am not a quitter”… I stopped falling for his manoeuvres, once I realised he was just checking in to see that I hadn’t moved on… It always takes him 3-4 months of silence then out of the blue…Every time I see a fb msg, text, call or bbm… I laugh it off and go about my day; I’ve learnt not to respond.
Crime: HE stole my heart. Very young, and very quickly. I was in strong like (in retrospect). But I loved everything about being with him. He was always doing things for me, with me, to me. Happy, happy, happy I used to say. And then one day; actually why lie? It wasn’t just one day out of the blue…I had seen the signs but I was “happy, happy, happy” so I ignored them, and one day, it just blew up in my face. It was done. He never quite explained much, all i knew was that I wouldn’t be seeing him anymore. I took a hard hit form that one. Thought I would never recover, took me close to a year to fully come back from it.
The comeback: Once I had realized that I was over him, I figured it was time to meet new people. So meet I did. Turns out one of my prospects was an old rival of Patrick (life eh?) Anyways, Mr. New Guy and I were enjoying the idea of getting to know each other. My msn flashes one evening,
“Are you there?”
“I want to talk to you”
“we need to talk”
It went on like this for about 20 lines of solo conversation. By the time I got to the end I finally understood what Patrick’s problem was:
“I know you’re seeing X and I want you to stop!”
LOL. I was suddenly getting ultimatums from a man who had walked out on his own over a year ago. I laughed it off with My. New Guy and he made me privy to their little “rivalry”. Less than a week later, i got a call from Patrick, “you know you are the woman for me. What are you doing with that guy, he doesn’t deserve you”, and I responded, “We are done Pat. I’ve moved on and quite frankly you don’t deserve to have a say in this.” I heard a click. Pat had hung up on me. I received an email a little later abusing me and treating of all sorts of nasty things. We would go on like this for months, I never responded, I figured he had moved on and accepted that I had too.
But his most memorable comeback was yet to come. In the midst of a cold winter evening; I got a call. I said “hello” and he said “am sorry”. I searched and scrambled, wondering who it could be, so I kept quiet while he gathered his thoughts, he said “its Patrick” and i said “… Who?” I should have hung up. He recognized his immaturity and realized he had let go of a wonderful woman. He wanted to know if X and I were still together and if I loved him… Every come back after that was just hilarious; he had proven to me that he didn’t love me, he just didn’t like the idea of me with another…
The comeback stories are sometimes similar but almost always funny (in retrospect). As you may have gathered I have a had time cutting the men in my life completely out of the story; and that is perhaps MY CRIME. They always come back, usually when you least expect it; and how you handle it is crucial to the outcome you are anticipating. For the above examples; I handled each comeback with too much emotion; in some cases i was too weak to stand strong and that is where I gave them the power. If my intention was winning any of the above back, i should have in my opinion (in hindsight), shut them out completely; made them understand that i was not some random couch they could come and relax in when things got tough out there.
Ah what am i talking about; Mayers thinks that if they do come back send them on their mighty way… Why the hell did they leave in the first place?